The REFERER is sent by the client's browser as part of the HTTP protocol, and is therefore unreliable indeed. It might not be there, it might be forged, you just can't trust it if it's for security reasons.
If you want to verify if a request is coming from your site, well you can't, but you can verify the user has been to your site and/or is authenticated. Cookies are sent in AJAX requests so you can rely on that.
与恶龙缠斗过久,自身亦成为恶龙;凝视深渊过久,深渊将回以凝视…